Hide-a-way: A Lighter Side of Guilt
STRATEGIES for LIVING WELL
Copyright 2009 © by Susan Carrell
All rights reserved
From Susan@CarrellCounseling.com
August 2009
Closely related to lay-a-way, a purchase plan in which an item is paid for over time and is not in your possession immediately, women who shop understand hide-a-way, a similar plan in which a newly purchased item is out of sight.
I was in a check-out lane at a local Target the other day and encountered a sister-in-crime behind the counter. The prim white haired clerk commented on my purchase:
“I love this pitcher! Are you going to use it or just look at it?”
“Just look at it,” I answered. “It’s for the top of my kitchen cabinets. Only it has to go into hide-a-way for a while.”
With a knowing look and a twinkle the pert clerk responded, “I always preferred the trunk of my car for hide-a-way but my husband caught on through the years. Now I stash merchandise at my daughter’s. Where will you put this?”
“Right now I’m thinking the trunk of the car sounds like a terrific idea. It would be a safe option. Thanks for the tip!”
We smiled intimately into each others faces like old school chums and I went on my way, leaving my new girlfriend to counsel other customers.
Securing the Contraband is Step One in the hide-a-way process. You must locate the forbidden though irresistible object and feel the adrenalin rush as you consider ownership. Step Two is Hiding the Loot, a time of scheming and planning that most adults are equipped for thanks to the childhood game when hiding places have ultimate value. Having determined the trunk of my car would do nicely, I mused on Step Three, Show and Tell, the moment of full disclosure. When would it be safe to pull my prize pitcher out of hiding? Timing is everything. One must consider the mood factor (your partner’s) and await a good one. Also of crucial consideration is the length of time from purchase to pull-out—too soon and you risk explosion (your partner’s), too long and you loose the competitive edge (yours) and the thrill is gone. I thought I could bring this particular acquisition forth in less than a month; not too bad. On to contemplation of Step Four, Shock and Disbelief. Shock and Disbelief (yours) is called for when your partner doesn’t remember “that old thing”.
What makes women hide new purchases from their partners? That’s easy, it’s guilt. Guilt is that awful feeling you get when you do something you think you shouldn’t, or you don’t do something you think you should. Unplanned purchases qualify in the “things you shouldn’t” category. Clothes, shoes, purses, jewelry, and do-dad’s like my pitcher are the big offenders. But what’s a girl to do when it’s the perfect thing and maybe even on sale? But I digress… Back to guilt…
The guilt of buying something when you think you shouldn’t is not a sign that toxic guilt, the pervasive guilt that destroys good mental health, has a hold on you. On the contrary, this is an example of good guilt, the kind that can help you make good choices.
The guilt that motivates hide-a-way behavior is minor in the grand scheme of things, but it’s a great way to understand the power of the emotion up close and personal. It turns perfectly good, honest, upright women like you and me into petty criminals. We plot, scheme, and lie with malice of forethought. We trick our partners and then challenge their mental capability if questioned—you don’t remember this? We even deceive ourselves into assuming innocence if the treasure is buried long enough.
Being transparent and taking responsibility for our actions is the mature solution to hide-a-way behavior. Letting guilt inform us instead of ignoring the wormy feeling and standing in the check-out line anyway is the answer. So will we resolve to put the dishonest behavior behind us? Probably not. Why? Because walking on the wild side to get what we want now and again is just too much fun. We’ll feel the guilt and do it anyway.
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